*insert title here*

my friends asked me, “when is the next blog coming?” so many times. i just didn’t feel like writing about anything. i haven’t felt like sharing much for a while, because sometimes, opening up about being sad, frustrated or simply tired of life makes me feel… lame.

after the post “a broken heart” when i shared so many vulnerabilities, i slowly began to feel better. i don’t know if sharing this particular post will help me get better or not, but one thing is for sure, writing helps me clear my mind.

i must confess i don’t have the same passion for camming i had in the past, i spent all morning today trying to figure out what the hell is wrong, why do i feel so drained by the cam world, when i haven’t been online for almost 2 weeks? is this something that happens to everyone no matter what kind of work you do? do people get just sick of it?

i thought i was going to be mentally refreshed after my break, but i’m not. i thought the first day back, i was going to fall in love with my job again, but i didn’t. i realized i’ve been feeling like this for a while now. why? why did i stop trying? what’s going on? lately i don’t feel like connecting with anyone, seeing my “work phone” causes me so much stress and anxiety for apparently no reason, it gets me very confused. this is not me.

i’ve been inside my room with the curtains closed for a few days now, i don’t feel like doing anything. such a bummer huh? i took today off to rest my mind and “get my shit together” type of thing, but then i started feeling worse, all sad, hard to talk to type of person. *yuck*

i don’t know what’s next, or how to get out of this hole but i’ll figure it out. i always do and will keep doing it every time i get into these “dark periods”. i’m sharing this today because i know there’s a lot of people out there that care about me. this somehow is a way for me to express and remind you that i’m not upset and if i seem quiet or distant it is because of everything going on in my mind.

you guys give me so much love and support through thick and thin, and never, not even for a second i’ve felt lonely or misunderstood, i’m just tired of myself (i hope that makes sense) not tired of my friends. you all are my family. the people i’ve met through the years on the site have changed my live completely, for that… i’m grateful everyday.

i know i haven’t been in my best shape mentally, (physically yes because my butt is looking good lol), but i feel there’s so much more i can give, after all, in my humble opinion, having fun is the whole point of this thing called life. making others happy, bringing something positive to the people around you and enjoying the ride, we’re not here for long after all.

to close up this post, i’d like to share with you that on June 3rd after some thinking (more like by impulse like every big decision i’ve made in my life) i decided to go back to university, to study the subject i’ve been passionate about since i can remember. i feel hopeful for the days to come, and in my heart i know the new direction my life is taking is going to add up in my career as an entertainer.

thank you for reading.


Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.


10 thoughts on “*insert title here*

  1. While you were on your trip, you weren’t physically working, but by snapping so much, I don’t think you got the chance to mentally unplug. If you could turn the “work phone” off and stash it in a drawer for a while, that would be good for you.

    Love you bunches. You know how to get hold of me if you need me for anything.

    1. You’ve been so incredibly supportive G. Thank you so much for taking so much of your time to keep me company and listen to me when I need a friend.

  2. I am no good at inspiring messages but if you ever need food delivered to your house let me know.

  3. I know how you feel and yes it is every job where you feel drained and lost. I know from experience that it does get better and the passion will return. just know you are never alone through any of this and I am here whenever you need some one. Even if it is to scream and yell or just to vent or cry. Yes they all work. Like Gerolde said maybe put the work phone away and forget it for awhile. i know I wouldn’t mind not hearing from you if it can help you feel better and less overwhelmed. Just know that I love you and you are always in my thought and in my prayers and I will forever keep you in my heart.

  4. No te preocupes, como tu lo mencionas estas temporadas oscuras vienen y se van, yo creo que aparecen para reinventarnos y hacernos mas fuertes. He pasado por lo mismo muchas veces, es muy comun en el quehacer de una webcam. Tu regreso a la Universidad te va ayudar muchismo a diversificar la mente, Muchas felicidades por retomar tus estudios y mucho animo ya veras como todo mejora pronto : )

    1. Awe! Que lindo mensaje, muchas gracias… Ranita verdad? 🙂 Eres de las pocas colegas con las que he hablado por el Blog y se siente muy bonito sentirse entendido, apoyado, leído y esas cosas LOL. Te mando un abrazo muy fuerte, tus palabras significaron mucho cuando las leí!!

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