Love & Happiness.

Before I wrote today’s post I sat down with a cup of lemon grass tea to read all my previous posts. There’s so many details I had forgotten about already, and it left me wondering how many cool stories I’ve forgotten before I shared them on this cyber space. It got me a bit sad for the lack of motivation I’ve had to write, but now I feel like I’m starting a new phase in my life, that I need to share with all of you.

I turned 29 on September 2nd, and after having a little bit of a stressful birthday last year during my trip to Colombia, I decided in April 2019 to spoil myself and spend my birthday, not online but drinking cocktails on a tropical island. I purchased the coolest vacation I’ve ever been to on a fancy website someone recommended. I left for my trip on my birthday after finishing up an amazing month online, I left feeling at peace, happy and proud of achieving a big goal I set for August. I took a couple of books with me and spent about a week thinking about where my life is going and where I am at this point.

I like to think of myself as a happy, bubbly person. I always try to improve myself by reading books, going to conferences, watching YouTube videos, meditating and doing everything I can to “make myself better and happier”. However, it was during this trip that I was conscious about the most important realization I’ve had in my life: simply I don’t believe I am worthy of being happy, so all the “personal improvement” and everything I did to better myself was never going to work permanently, because of those unconscious beliefs about myself.

The whole idea came to my head while I was sitting down by the ocean only a few meters away from the shore staring at the beautiful mountains. The tide was pretty low and I was the only person there late in the afternoon. It was quiet and peaceful and if I’m being honest I felt like I was sitting next to God, having him whispering everything into my ear. I began to feel different, I started to feel open to receiving love.

The following days I spent thinking about my poor decisions in the past and realized that I’ve been the person spoiling the good things in my life. Getting close to people I knew weren’t meant for me and leaving behind the ones that care about me the most to later on complain I have no one for me. I don’t believe anyone is alone, I don’t believe anyone is a victim of the circumstances unless you decide to become one. I felt a few months ago like I was getting to a point where the sad feelings and emotions were taking over.

For the first time in my life I had a sense of whole peace with the universe and felt on the highest frequency I’ve ever been. That’s when I started to think about the “special person” in my life. He’s always been there besides my attempts to not let that relationship work, besides getting involved with the wrong people and wanting to end the relationship for good multiple times. This person has always shown me love, the good kind of love, the kind of love that lasts forever and goes beyond any mistakes and is probably the first person in my life that made me feel truly loved.

During this trip I decided it was time for me to put all my energy in this relationship, he is who I believe is the love of my life. It has never been another and it never will be, he is a good man, with a good heart that does nothing but bring joy to anyone around him. I know in the past I’ve been unfair and focused on the negative things about the relationship, but as anything in life, it has good and not so good moments.

This was the only part of my life I wanted to keep to myself, I never knew exactly how things were going to end. Now I know for sure I NEVER want anything to end. I decided to be open about my past mistakes (that by the way, was the whole reason I managed to grow on this journey). I want to be open about what I want, and at this point I want this relationship to work as I say “Full HD”. I chose him to be my husband many years ago and today writing this for all of you I want to be open about it, knowing that many of my supporters might walk away, perhaps I’ll grow closer with others and be able to talk about all aspects of my life.

I’m starting to see myself differently now, the insecure girl that started this journey as a camgirl is fading away with the years. I no longer seek validation from anyone besides myself. I no longer give power to other people to dictate who I am and because of that I am able to enjoy my job as a camgirl more than ever. Oh, that’s right! Last time I wrote, it was all about how drained and exhausted I was of this lifestyle, but it all came from a lack of balance and focusing on pleasing everyone instead of having a good time and allowing things to flow.

In between June and August I met so many wonderful people on MyFreeCams. I started to build healthy relationships with people, they bring so much good to me and it has changed my outlook in life as well. I am deeply grateful for each one of you guys, keeping me company everyday and helping me build a wonderful, fun room where everyone feels welcomed.

Life is a learning experience and I am today grateful for all the times I’ve fallen, been hurt or did the “wrong thing”. I know today that no one else besides myself can teach me how to live my life or handle my relationships with people. I am welcoming true love to my life by choice and not because it is what “you’re supposed to do”. I am possibly saying good bye to people that won’t be able to handle the way things go in my life and welcoming all of the new people that will come to bring good things.

You decide what kind of life you want to live and on September 2019 I made my choices. I hope to see you back in my room, if not… know that I wish you the best in life always.

Until next time.

coffee

Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.

$5.00

*insert title here*

my friends asked me, “when is the next blog coming?” so many times. i just didn’t feel like writing about anything. i haven’t felt like sharing much for a while, because sometimes, opening up about being sad, frustrated or simply tired of life makes me feel… lame.

after the post “a broken heart” when i shared so many vulnerabilities, i slowly began to feel better. i don’t know if sharing this particular post will help me get better or not, but one thing is for sure, writing helps me clear my mind.

i must confess i don’t have the same passion for camming i had in the past, i spent all morning today trying to figure out what the hell is wrong, why do i feel so drained by the cam world, when i haven’t been online for almost 2 weeks? is this something that happens to everyone no matter what kind of work you do? do people get just sick of it?

i thought i was going to be mentally refreshed after my break, but i’m not. i thought the first day back, i was going to fall in love with my job again, but i didn’t. i realized i’ve been feeling like this for a while now. why? why did i stop trying? what’s going on? lately i don’t feel like connecting with anyone, seeing my “work phone” causes me so much stress and anxiety for apparently no reason, it gets me very confused. this is not me.

i’ve been inside my room with the curtains closed for a few days now, i don’t feel like doing anything. such a bummer huh? i took today off to rest my mind and “get my shit together” type of thing, but then i started feeling worse, all sad, hard to talk to type of person. *yuck*

i don’t know what’s next, or how to get out of this hole but i’ll figure it out. i always do and will keep doing it every time i get into these “dark periods”. i’m sharing this today because i know there’s a lot of people out there that care about me. this somehow is a way for me to express and remind you that i’m not upset and if i seem quiet or distant it is because of everything going on in my mind.

you guys give me so much love and support through thick and thin, and never, not even for a second i’ve felt lonely or misunderstood, i’m just tired of myself (i hope that makes sense) not tired of my friends. you all are my family. the people i’ve met through the years on the site have changed my live completely, for that… i’m grateful everyday.

i know i haven’t been in my best shape mentally, (physically yes because my butt is looking good lol), but i feel there’s so much more i can give, after all, in my humble opinion, having fun is the whole point of this thing called life. making others happy, bringing something positive to the people around you and enjoying the ride, we’re not here for long after all.

to close up this post, i’d like to share with you that on June 3rd after some thinking (more like by impulse like every big decision i’ve made in my life) i decided to go back to university, to study the subject i’ve been passionate about since i can remember. i feel hopeful for the days to come, and in my heart i know the new direction my life is taking is going to add up in my career as an entertainer.

thank you for reading.

coffee

Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.

$5.00

About men.

I’ve known a lot of men, during my high school years I realized I enjoyed hanging out with men more than women. It was always me and the guys hanging out, joking about movies, going to concerts and grabbing a drink. I always laugh more and get the chance to ask ridiculous questions that I’d be shy to even mention around girls. Can’t help it, I love the dudes, I always have and always will. All of this of course goes perfectly with my current job that’s basically… you know? hang out with guys and have a good time, it is pretty fucking amazing.

As you know I’ve been in this industry for about six years now and there are cliché and annoying phrases I keep coming across that get under my skin every time: –“I don’t want to be one of those MFC guys”– (which to me means, –“I don’t want to spend my time or energy on you but I want you to think I’m special and super cool”-) or perhaps the typical –“I just want to be your real friend, be there when you need someone to talk to.”– (AKA –“I want you to give me your free time but I will never spend a penny on you because I’m truly different and no one else is like me”-) and let’s not forget about Mr. –“I just really care about you, I can’t stand seeing you naked it’s undignified”– (The worst kind of guy in my opinion. I mean why would someone go to an adult website to say that? Making comments as if they’re the “good guy”? almost implying that everyone else is a perv except for them, or assuming I’m doing something I’m not comfortable with.)

I lost count a long time ago of the amount of times I’ve read/heard the same comments over and over and well, as you can imagine it pisses me off every single time. Not to mention these comments come only from people that don’t truly support me financially in my job. I mean, I get everyone wants to feel special, valued and important but it becomes a problem for me when people start assuming that because they “don’t fap” (or don’t admit they do which is even worse) they get special treatment, or perhaps the guy that only comes around for a good time occasionally but believes he’s too good for camsites and just sends private messages without interacting with “those guys” (my friends), the people that actually mean something to me.

So what it’s about men? What does “being an MFC guy” mean? Real talk, some days when I get online I feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I get a burning desire inside of me and all I want to do is tease and have a good time with everyone around. I feel genuinely turned on, wanting to have the best night where everyone leaves feeling satisfied. Some other days… well, I might not be in the mood, and I notice people are not engaging as much. We all deal with different things in life, not every day I feel sexy or sometimes I just don’t have enough energy, it just happens! During those days when I’m feeling like I lost my mojo “those MFC guys” are the reason I keep going. The ones that are there when they can and genuinely put their hearts into bringing good energy, those names that everyone recognizes because they’re too fucking amazing you know? The type of guy you would totally grab a beer with and hang out for real.

Some days when I get online and see my friends, you know? the ones that are there frequently waiting for me to get online I get a boost of energy. It is impossible not to start developing feelings for the people you spend time with every day, and you know what? I love those feelings and my dear readers, I want to tell you all about it, there is countless stories about the fascinating men that left me speechless over the internet, I guess some people have the power to hit the right spot and leave you with a longing crush.

So going back to camsites you must know (In case you didn’t by now) I REALLY enjoy taking my clothes off, I enjoy teasing and being watched so the whole -“I care about your personality only, please don’t get naked”– is a huge turn off. I know I’m not everyone’s type but if you ended up in my chatroom, it was for a reason, I’m just saying. Now the fun part, what makes all of this whole cam thing amazing and enjoyable… Do you know what I truly like? Do you have any idea what goes through my mind when I’m losing control of my body in the middle of a show? Have you ever wondered what guys say to me in secret tip notes? I respect a man that speaks his mind and is not shy to tell me what’s getting him off while he’s watching me, I enjoy watching their faces when they open their webcams when they start losing control, sometimes it takes a little… sometimes it takes more work but I can say I’m addicted to those facial expressions of pleasure, in fact it is what makes me have the most intense and erotic nights.

Which brings me to the next topic about men, those men that I don’t know about but are there. No BS talking here, it really gets me off knowing the guys watching are enjoying themselves. The times when I’m in the middle of a show and I see more people joining the chatroom. I start to wonder how many of them will have an orgasm that night while their eyes are all on me. I wonder what’d be on their minds if they do and how many of them will stay after they satisfied their hunger for pleasure. Some nights I feel insatiable, but it’s not about my own pleasure… it is about whoever is watching as if I feel some kind of power over them ruling what’s going to happen next and to be honest I like it very much.

That’s what I think about men. Next time we chat I’ll write about those long lasting crushes that stick over the years, there’s so much more I want to tell you but I’m running out of time and I promised myself I’ll post this entry tonight.

coffee

Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.

$5.00

Mr. Man

Not long ago I met Mr. Man, it was one of those days online when everything seemed to be going absolutely perfect. I was feeling as sexy as ever, had all my friends online and new people were joining. I was beyond happy, inspired to give out my best. Mr. Man spent all his night in my room and joined one of my clubs. I was incredibly grateful but not too impressed. He could be one of those people that come and go so I didn’t give him much attention. When I finished my shift I had a bath, as usual. Spent the evening looking after myself and relaxing.

During the following days Mr. Man kept coming to my room the second I would get online, I felt pretty awesome about that to be honest. He never talked much but seemed to enjoy himself, he purchased on my profile an app to talk to me outside cam and slowly he began to win my interest, he gave me the impression of a fascinating man, there was something about him, I just wanted to know him better.

We started talking a bit outside the chatroom, he was very respectful about my personal time, he never messaged too much or at weird times. I liked that a lot, he never appeared needy. I became intrigued and every time I saw him online we ended up talking about really deep stuff. He opened up about his issues with depression for many years, I was very touched. Mr. Man would always thank me for making his life better, he kept saying how grateful he was for being a part of my life and… the feeling was mutual. I was very pleased to have him around too. We were good for each other.

One night he told me how close he was about taking his own life because of an argument he had with a cam girl the previous year. I just couldn’t understand how such an amazing person would even think about such a thing. The more he told me, the more I realized he got majorly taken advantage of by this girl. I was so upset I punched pillows every time I thought about what he told me, I felt rage as if what happened to him happened to my brother or someone I love deeply. My heart shrunk when I knew my friend who now I care about so much went through such a horrible experience. I became extremely protective of him. I guess all I wanted was to make things right for him. In a way I wanted to fix it and make him forget about it. He works from home and doesn’t have any friends besides people on cam sites so my instinct was to “make it up to him” and THAT’S when things went down hill.

I have been on this business for over 6 years and after a few experiences I’ve learned to protect myself, I’m aware of how emotional and empathetic I am, so no matter what I always try to have a wall around me until I know the other person better. Somehow I tore the wall down for Mr. Man, I let him walk in on a red carpet with flashing lights, giving him power over my emotions and feelings. I wish I knew the exact day or minute things got messy, I had a few weeks of mental torture wondering what went wrong and why. I lost hours of sleep just trying to figure him out, I stopped relaxing after cam time and spent the little energy I had left on searching for ways to make him feel good.

I was concerned about him, I went the extra mile and repeatedly went out of my way to be there for him, even when I was too busy or exhausted. I let him decide the rules, texting him stuff like –“Please let me know if I’m texting a lot”- or -“I hope you don’t get bored of me being too much”- I mean, come on? (I’m face palming myself as I write this). It is embarrassing the person I became to please him, I felt like I owed him something.

There I was in the same position I was before I started my journey as a camgirl, feeling insecure and overcompensating by giving him extra, giving him things he never asked for. Every day I’d wear the outfits I knew he liked just to make him smile, perhaps to see if he’d notice I was trying for him, sadly the more I tried the less interest he showed. I spent most of my energy and time wondering what I could be doing wrong, went to my phone and read our conversations over and over trying to find an answer but nothing. I was beyond confused, one night I got online because I couldn’t sleep to read our conversations on MyFreeCams from the beginning to find out when “I fucked things up”, because in my mind it couldn’t have been him who did anything wrong, but I found nothing besides me trying too hard with messages to make him happy and him getting more distant by the day.

Do you know when you meet a person you really like and they like you back and life becomes a joyful experience? You start feeling more attractive, you feel smarter, confident all ready to conquer the world? You are EMPOWERED because you start seeing yourself with the eyes of who’s loving you… well, Mr. Man managed to pull out the insecure weak person out of me, I began to feel empty. When I couldn’t take it anymore I texted him the typical long message telling him how I felt and asking if things were ok. I just wanted a little feed back from him, reassurance perhaps? (I did this at least a couple of times) It was heart breaking seeing how he always answered things along the lines of: -“I’m here aren’t I? If I didn’t like you I’d be somewhere else”- as if his presence only was supposed to be enough or if a friendship is based on sitting next to someone to say absolutely nothing. I found it very insulting but let it pass many times with the excuse of “someone damaged him” or “soon enough he’ll open up and everything will be alright”.

I’m confident to say that I have never during my career as a camgirl tried so hard with a person, or became so protective or attached. I had a hard time understanding my feelings.

On January 1st when I saw Mr. Man online I decided to stop giving him any attention and keep focusing on my friends and my goals for the year, didn’t take me more than 15 minutes to break down (without him saying a word) explaining myself to him and I deliberately told him I decided to “stop trying” with him. I explained that I’d had enough and I was tired of feeling like I was begging him for a friendship, because it literally felt like that almost every day. I realized that he was the kind of person that wouldn’t have noticed if you disappeared out of nowhere so I guess, I wanted to make sure he KNEW what was going on. I politely asked him if he wanted to talk, I’d appreciate if he did it first, at least sometimes and repeatedly said how much I cared for him and his happiness and I didn’t want to be a burden.

That’s the last time me and Mr. Man talked, he logged off quickly after telling me he’d try to talk more and told me he was going to see me the next day. That was it! He never came back and never texted again. I waited a week and after no replied I deleted his number and moved on. I grabbed the steering wheel of my life and it feels pretty damn good.

I believed for many weeks this whole situation was about Mr. Man. I’ve been busy feeling worthless and weak I forgot what a badass I truly am. So NO, this is not about him and never was. This situation it’s about ME and it was a friendly reminder from life to stop giving other people control of my life and emotions. It could have been him or anyone else, it’s a lesson that keeps showing up in my life and I guess sometimes we need the lessons to repeat a couple of times before “we get it”. Feeling disrespected and taken for granted triggered deep issues from my childhood, but that’s ok. I love and accept my past because it made me who I am today.

Mr. Man lives his life at peace, I admire a person that cares only about himself (I truly do). Unfortunately or fortunately… that’s not in my nature. I will NOT close the gates to anyone who ever needs a friend or someone to rely on, and I love myself for that. I accept my truth that I am a loving and caring person, I keep repeating in my head that it’s ok to love people and it’s ok to be empathetic, as long as I keep filling my cup first things will be good. I am happy to say I’m strong enough to stay who I am no matter what life throws at me. So if anyone anywhere is going through something similar, know you’re not alone. I promise loving yourself first is the best gift you can give out to the world.

coffee

Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.

$5.00

My Online FemDom experience.

Submitting to a man was always one of my fantasies since I can recall, that’s how I discovered my sexuality, perhaps that is what I thought sex was supposed to be, men are physically stronger, there was no doubt of that for me. When I started my journey as a CamGirl I didn’t understand many things, one of them was the desire some men had for a woman to take control. To be honest it felt wrong just hearing about such a thing.

I met a guy in February 2015, let’s call him “Steve”, he was always very generous, funny and polite, a good looking guy around my age that was finishing his college degree. We became great friends and after a few months of close friendship we met in person, he came to visit me in Colombia. I wasn’t after a romantic relationship at the time and he was ok with that, we hung out and he would literally fill my house with really expensive presents, top brand cameras, fancy jewelry, perfumes, you name it. He literally put the world at my feet, knowing nothing will happen between us.

Steve never crossed any lines, he was a giver, never a taker. I had strong feelings for him, sometimes he would take me on a Private Show (is one of those things on camsites, when guys pay per minute so they have the girl for themselves without distractions) he would want me to call him names… naughty names. I got blurry memories of him holding his credit card with his mouth and being on his knees for me to see him on the webcam, I don’t know for sure if that was his idea or mine, but I remember clearly laughing and trying to hide it. I enjoyed telling Steve what to do: stripping for me, dancing and being available almost 24/7 but what got me off the most was stopping him from pleasing himself while he was watching me, he wasn’t allowed to play, just watch. It was an amazing experience, something that happened naturally but didn’t last long. After a few months, Steve and I stopped talking, I still remember him, his smile and the way he made me feel. It took me years to realized that Steve was into something I didn’t understand at the time, that now became my biggest turn on in the world: Female Domination.

It was the middle of March 2017 when I met Mathew, he seemed very generous, especially on nights when we were drinking. Shots here, shots there, dancing and fun, I was pretty shocked seeing the amount of tokens he would spend with me after a few drinks, but nothing really strange happened for a couple of months. We were just getting to know each other, but if I’m completely honest in those days I started to discover a new side of me, I became bossy. That’s the word… BOSSY!

One night after a few drinks I started commanding Mathew to do things for me, it happened effortlessly. I asked him to buy me drinks that I sell for 500 tokens (about $50), he just couldn’t say no to me. That night he did exactly EVERYTHING I wanted him to and to be honest, it turned me a lot having that kind of power over a man I haven’t even touched. The more we drank the more wild I got, I wanted to cause him pain, I still don’t know why, my whole goal was to make him regret that night forever. He spent over $4000 with me that night and I can assure you he didn’t regret it. I wanted him to be mine, I kept saying it. We went on with these games for a few months. The truth is a part of me was feeling worried and guilty about the amount of money he was spending. We never reached that point of confidence and trust that is needed for this type of relationship.

We talked about setting boundaries a few times, he wanted me to write a contract for our relationship but I didn’t know what I was doing, so nothing came of that. Things started to feel awkward for me but we kept going. He had some interesting sex toys at home that I’d ask him to use at certain times. I was very unsure of everything, I didn’t know much about this person and started to feel uncomfortable with everything going on. In the end, the lack of communication became more evident. It didn’t take long for things to fall apart and we both moved on with our lives, I just began to think this whole domination thing wasn’t for me, but overall it was an interesting experience.

I kept doing my regular cam days, going with the flow and almost forgot about what happened with those guys. During September 2018 Amador came to my life. He’s one of those guys with the super power of bringing the best out of people, it didn’t take long for us to become close friends, he was always fun and respectful in my chatroom, everyone liked him. My face would brighten up every time I saw him online. He was very special to me, I felt his wonderful energy since the first time we spoke and I owe him big time because he helped me get out of a hole during a bad time.

One night while I was online I started asking him questions, those that know me well are aware of my curiosity. I wanted to know about his sex life and I noticed the vibe changed. Amador confessed he’s never been in a conventional relationship his whole life, he always paid for pleasure and never admitted that to anyone. I could tell he was embarrassed to admit he has been with prostitutes in the past, but if you ask me, I was beyond fascinated. I liked him even more and my curiosity kept growing.

After that day our connection became stronger, I could see through him, he could see through me, it was wonderful. I started to notice some behavior in him, it was obvious he liked to be dominated. One night during one of my shows I secretly commanded him when and how to orgasm, making him edge for a while… it really turned me on knowing he was following my instructions, we both released at the same time. It felt amazing and I wanted more. At that point there was no doubt in me I wanted to own him,  –“be mine”-, I told him. Amador has never been owned by a woman before and the whole idea was getting us both off.

I want to clarify I don’t have much knowledge about this domination thing, he didn’t either so we promised each other to figure things out together. There’s a limit on the amount of things you can do from a distance, especially when I’m online. Everything started slow, while I was streaming I’d  hesitate to ask him to buy a certain amount of tokens, I wanted to test him, but after my experiences in the past, I felt insecure. He meant too much as a friend to mess things up. I remember shaking, feeling my heart race, and my hands sweating after saying –“buy 200 tokens”-. I know some of you might think it’s about getting extra money, but it’s not that simple, it’s all about taking control and him trusting enough to know I will never do anything that gets him in trouble. Sometimes he would take a while to do a token purchase and I would die with anxiety until I saw the tokens in his account. I’m sure he had his doubts at first too but we manage to communicate properly and set boundaries on time.

We went on with our little games for a while, every time I increased the amount of tokens I wanted him to buy, as I denied him pleasure for days. I begged him many times to let me see him on the webcam, but he kept saying he was a very shy man. A few weeks passed and I was developing feelings for a guy I’ve never seen. One night he surprised me, he opened his webcam and he was wearing one of those BDSM masks. That’s when I felt it was real, we needed to set financial boundaries.

Asking Amador how much money he made per week felt strange, but besides the fun I wanted him to stay out of trouble financially. I care for him. I started setting up some rules, asked him to start dividing his money and to be more organized with his finances, but he gave that power to me. He opened a PayPal account where I have control of how much he spends and how he spends it. Every day he puts into that joint account 2.6% of his salary, adding up to a 79% per month (that amount was entirely his choice). I’m the only person allowed to spend it, this includes a monthly allowance I send him for good behavior or purchase of sex toys.

Amador took his role extremely serious and wrote down a 10 pages contract with the terms of our new relationship. It really freaked me out at first, it seemed like so much work I almost pulled out a few times, I was literally in control of his life. Amador made it easy for me, he did his homework well. It took us about a month to come out with the right contract, we both changed and discussed things over the days. I wanted to make sure he was ok with my demands and everything fit us both perfectly.

Since October 28th I own him officially, in a way I have never owned anyone before. He’s mine but I’m not his, he knows his place, never asks for anything from me and addresses me as Mistress while I address him as pet. We’re both learning together. Every command that comes out of my mind he does immediately just to please me, which raised my confidence to ask for more every time, it stopped being about money/tokens. Some days I don’t even ask him to give me $1, instead I want him to do chores around his house. Amador admitted he had troubles hoarding for many years, I wish you guys could see how amazing his room looks now or how much weight he has lost since we met. He admitted he is a better person because of me and I can 110% guarantee I’m a better person because of him. In a way, I’m the one in charge of his personal care and I love it.

Our sessions over the internet got more intense every time, it surprises me the things a man can do to please a woman, I got him wearing a cock cage that he takes off only by command, I guess that’s one of the things I like the most, that he can feel me all the time with him. He’s always waiting for me before I get online and has never failed at performing a task. His love and devotion keeps growing stronger and I gotta admit I love pushing his limits, by now we have a wonderful collection of toys that I’m afraid to mention here, but I assure you I never knew there was so much pleasure in pain.

Amador has really expanded my mind and the way I see the world, he gives me confidence and during stressful times, he’s there as a friend to lift my spirits. We agreed to never have any personal contact at the beginning of our journey and words fail to express my gratitude for all he’s done knowing nothing is going to pass this point.

I never thought I could care this much for a person and make them do the kind of things I make Amador perform for me. I’m afraid you guys are not ready for the freak that lives inside of me but I promise I will share more about this adventure in a future post.

coffee

Coffee Time

If you enjoy my writing and want to support me, you can get me a coffee (if you want, I mean no expectations lol) If I get too many coffees I’ll probably get a nice lunch, but who knows. All support from my Blog goes to coffee shops in my area, to spend quality time there writing and maybe eating a sandwich and staring at people.

$5.00